Politics Desk

Sunny Chair Primary Enters Recount After Every Cat Declares Victory

Election officials reported heavy turnout, two spoiled ballots, and one tabby refusing to concede a windowsill he has occupied since breakfast.

The sunny chair primary entered its third recount Tuesday after all four resident cats claimed a mandate to occupy the same rectangle of light. The dispute began at 8:13 a.m., when the sun crossed the living-room threshold and transformed an ordinary chair into what witnesses described as "the only legitimate seat in the house."

Mabel, a senior calico with long-standing ties to the radiator lobby, argued that historical usage should decide the race. Brick Tabby rejected that standard, saying the chair had "clearly moved into a new era" once the cushion was rotated. Election observers from the Treat Cabinet Bureau said turnout was high but irregular, with one ballot shredded before counting and another carried under the sofa.

No concession speech is expected. The chair will remain under rolling occupation until the sun leaves the room or a human creates a second chair of equal warmth, whichever comes first.